FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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