I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
