Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
