What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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