Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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