apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
