He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize