She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize