Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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