So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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