She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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