sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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