I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
this hospital has no fireball
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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