I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize