508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
