My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
