There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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