Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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