after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize