proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
