i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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