Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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