He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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