I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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