He disabled his match.com account in front of me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
