Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize