I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
