I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She's the barista slut.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize