Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
