I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
