He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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