Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize