It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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