I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
