Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
