I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
