..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
