I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
