i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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