I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
home. puking in laundry basket.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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