you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I touched a dick in church today
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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