i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
