Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
