He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
