ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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