i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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