The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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