Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
