jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
