he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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