I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
