i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
