My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
