woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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