I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
