I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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