Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
