my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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