My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize