god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize