I am puke
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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