I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
