Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
