the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
