every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
