are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
