I need help removing her.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
