I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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