I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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