Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
