how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
