Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you never un-have a 4some
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
