I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
