I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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