I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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