I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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