Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
