Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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