Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We're too hungover to prance.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
