his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
