dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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