he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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