I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize