my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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