i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
