ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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