Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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