She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
