i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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