We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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