You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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