Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
