My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
