WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
