Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
