I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize