Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
