i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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