Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
