He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
