I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize