so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
