your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
