i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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