I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize