Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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