So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
