hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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