All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This is classic penis vs brain.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
