peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
false alarm, still single
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
