New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
