idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
