My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
