Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
