Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
