dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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