i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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